I have never been someone who has kept quiet with the struggles I have had to fall pregnant and because of this I get so many girls asking me about what I needed to do to fall pregnant or sharing with me their stories of infertility… and ‘what should I do next?’ questions.
The reality is that many around us are silently struggling with infertility.
For so many of us it’s a taboo subject. It’s sensitive. It hurts to the depths of our souls and we don’t want to speak about it for the fear of being even more hurt by the comments of others.
Today I want to share with both the girls reading this who are struggling to fall pregnant but also to the girls who have been blessed with easy conceptions, and how we can be supportive to each other.
I don’t even know how to start this next paragraph… I can already feel the pain of girls reading this so desperate for a baby. A special little one so desperately desired. We were born to do it. Our bodies designed to reproduce. Something so natural but yet we cannot control or ‘make happen’. I want to tell you a few things…
1. You are AMAZING! In what can be the most heart wrenching, emotional place, you still go to your friend’s baby shower and smile. You still cuddle your sister’s newborn. You still dote over your nieces and nephews. You still congratulate your friend’s pregnancy announcements even though inside your heart is breaking. I know that feeling. I know that heart ache. You are a Warrior. You are selfless. You are strong. You are brave.
2. This is NOT your fault. We don’t know why this happens. Or why you. I, Jess, had the ‘issue’ when we went to the doctor. It was me. I let the team down. My body failed. But with a supportive husband by my side. We were in this together. TOGETHER!
Make sure you talk about it…and then talk some more. Sometimes it gets so hard we shut down… we forget to communicate about the things that hurt us to the core. Cry together. Pray together. Talk together. Go to the doctor together…. And then find something that makes you laugh….and laugh together. Going through this roller-coaster of emotions means you are going to need a GREAT relationship with your partner to survive.
Boyd says "Make sure you have good times, hours of careless fun and laughter. Moments where this journey doesn't consume you. Don't let this situation rob you of great date nights and fun times together"
Boyd says "Make sure you have good times, hours of careless fun and laughter. Moments where this journey doesn't consume you. Don't let this situation rob you of great date nights and fun times together"
3. Don’t isolate yourself. Please don’t isolate yourself. I know it’s easy to. I know why you do it but It’s not healthy and in the end will make you bitter. Bitterness kills you from the inside… It’s like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die.
4. Some people are just going to make those silly comments. Some people are going to feel like they have the answer. Some people have the emotional sensitivity of a brick! Be the bigger person. Smile. Let it be water off a ducks back. We can become easily offended people…but you don’t want to become that! Be quick to forgive. Don’t worry; I’ve heard some rippers!!! Sometimes I want to LAUGH when I hear them…”HAHAHA…really you think the chlorine in the water is why I cant fall pregnant!? What do you suggest? To not drink water?” LOL!
5. Get around friends who are going to love you through this season. Who you can share honestly and intimately with. If they don’t understand they will say “I don’t understand what you're going through, but I’m going to cry with you, support you and be here through the emotional up’s and downs.”
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It's awesome how we all kinda know how many children we are meant to have… We have this gut instinct that tells us 2 or 3 or 4 or more…or for some women they birth their last child and feel ‘finished’. After I had Luke even my doctor said that my body may correct itself and i'll be able to have other children without any medical help. That wasn't the case. We needed help to have Ben...and after 10 rounds/cycles of treatment for my third child, it hasn't worked. It doesn't make any sense. It doesn't have to. I don't know why. I may never know why. However this can not rob me of my life and my joy.
Choosing to have a child, then conceiving and birthing a healthy baby is one of life’s greatest miracles. PLEASE don’t assume everyone has it this easy. Please understand this is really a miracle! A true blessing from above. It seems as though more and more couples are struggling to conceive. I don’t know why. I’m not here to analyse why…. regardless of why…. Its still an issue our friends, our loved ones, our family members, our neighbours may be facing. We need to support, love, encourage, uplift and pray for those who are struggling. Give them a bigger hug on Mothers Day. Cry with them. Listen to them. Listen to their heart. You can't fix it. Don't try to.
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Lastly, I want to apologise of behalf of those who thought they would be helpful but only proved to be hurtful, with comments such as “God is just waiting for the right time” or “Enjoy your freedom now because it all goes away when you have kids” or “Have you ever thought about adoption?” or “Your lucky to have 2 kids, you don’t want anymore!” or “You just need more faith”… I apologise on behalf of them. Sometimes you just need to hear that apology to give the power of forgiveness the opportunity to flow through you. Let that hurt and pain go so you can live life. Its time to heal from needless pain. One step at a time. One doctors appointment at a time. One blood test at a time. One injection at a time. One prayer at a time.
God is a good God. We don’t understand why these things happen. We don’t need to know why. But I still know without a shadow of a doubt. My God is a Good God.
