A Fun Birthday Afternoon!

I just want to warn you- this will be a very pink post!

On Em and El's B-day we went to the Am. Girl store to celebrate their big days!

We had never done this before so I was looking forward to it as much as they were!

It was a bit of a sensory overload for all of us!

While we were in the store we saw Blue and had to run over and say hello!

Matt and Caitlin joined us! Sam was happy to see another BOY!! 

Auntie Barbie and Big Sis Kate came too!

All the kids brought someone special! Either their doll or an stuffed animal!

Here's the birthday crew!

And the Birthday girls!

Everyone sang Happy Birthday to them!

And enjoyed cake and ice cream!

We were so glad everyone could join us to celebrate such special birthdays!

Katie was going to bring her dolls BUT she forgot them ;-(

They have sat in a storage box for many years. She has not been good at sharing them with her younger sibs! However if you could see the hair on their dolls you'd probably recommend she NOT share them!

It was an wonderful afternoon!

So tell me... is there enough pink in this post?

Poor Sam... We need to get Luke home quickly!

China Reunion!

They loved getting their faces painted!

Here are our two butterflies!

I know I don't need to explain this work of art but just in case you were wondering- that is a butterfly kite! Yes, Anna wrote her own name on her nametag!

This is Molly and she was one of our China guides for both Anna and Sarah! We met her in Guangzhou! Anna chose not to be in the picture.

Every summer our agency has a China Reunion. This is our 3rd year attending! Our very first year Anna had been home less than a week and we went there to show her off- isn't that what new parents do? This was Sarah's first year! We all had a wonderful time! It is so nice to see all the people that we have worked with throughout our adoptions.

When I was in China this last time I put out an e-mail and a JTM post asking for some help and guidance. Among many that answered was a family from our agency that lived in rural MN. The were around our age and had many children and had been through many adoptions- including an older child adoption like ours! Since then we have kept in contact e-mailing back and forth and even some phone calls! We were able to finally meet at the China Reunion! It was so good to meet them and their wonderful children! I can't believe I didn't get a picture- I wish I would have! They have Sadie who is 14 yrs. (China) she has been home for 2 years and they have Jay 11 yrs. (Korea) and Ryan 11 yrs. (China). Plus a bunch of older kids! We clicked right away with them- again I can't believe I didn't get a pic...

Our girls love anything to do with China! It is a natural attraction for them. We are debating on having Sarah go to Chinese dance and language lessons but their parents (us) are not so sure of the commitment- most of the day every Saturday - September through May. That means we would have to drive a half hour each way (4x) every Saturday, ugh! I love the idea of keeping them connected to their culture BUT I do not like the huge Saturday commitment. Right now I just like being a family and homeschooling. Any thoughts, anyone?

A Booming Voice and Home for 6 Months!

Mia's voice is not loud...

It's 

BOOMING!

Today our girl went into church and before we could stop her, she loudly let one of her sibs know that surely they were wrong about something, who knows what the issue really was...

Guessing it was small and insignificant ;-)

But it was booming loud and the service was just beginning.

We sheepishly made our way to the seats and when it was time to kneel she clunked the kneeler down on Madeline's foot.

After this, she sees her VBS teacher, she points and loudly exclaims "she's right there"!

10 minutes into the service she says... "I can't see". 

I quietly say, that's okay try to look around him. 

One minute later I'm praying and I feel someone staring at me. I redirect her toward the alter.

One minute later it happens again, 

I redirect

One minute later it happens again,

I redirect

One minute... okay, I'll stop, you get it!

Next time I will make sure there is a very small person in front of her... ;-)

Then it was time for the second collection and she insisted on doing the passing of the basket... need I say more! 

;-)

Yep, the basket went in all sorts of directions but not in the one it was supposed to go in... somehow our envelope found it's way in there...

Then it was time for communion. We bring everyone up together. Not sure what would happen back in the pew if they didn't all join us! She folds her arms in confidence and I gently alter them so they are covering her chest and she is ready for a blessing. She immediately refolds them as if she has a bone to pick with the 

"Big Guy Upstairs"...

We go through the motions 3 more times until she gets her blessing and she is on her way back to the pew.

Of course she had to go to the bathroom during church too...

My response was...

hold it...

Then Luke had to go to the bathroom...

 our response was... 

hurry!

She's outside now...

I can hear her loud and clear.

Yes, 

BOOMING

is the correct word to use!

Some days are like this. 

I have to chuckle at the mishaps!

She means well and really doesn't understand why I get my undies in a bundle.

Sometimes she is right and I just have to go with the flow and forget about the little things.

Other times she is aware of what she is doing and we call her on it.

So many behaviors are ingrained and it is just going to take awhile to smooth out the edges!

Most days go without a hitch but some days she likes to challenge us!

She has been home for 6 months now!

It amazes me how fast it goes!

She is only speaking English now 

but it's broken and more of a Chinglish.

Of course, with such a strong personality she has no problem getting her message across!

Mia has a sneaky sly side which we keep a close eye on! When the kneeler went down at church she immediately pointed to Ava... poor Ava looked at me like "What? I didn't do anything?"

Mia knows she's not fooling us, she smiles and we correct her and move on. 

She means well and loves us and our family. She just needs time!

She has a wonderful sense of humor!

Every morning she hides my cereal box and we play hot and cold until I find it!

We talk and laugh about how much she did NOT like us when she met us.

Now she wants to sit on our lap and have our undivided attention! 

She has become a good swimmer and a good gymnast!

She can do all three splits, cartwheels, backbends, handstands and more!

 She still chews super loud, walks heavy footed (so the people downstairs wake up), budges to get something, bosses other children and pushes limits.

Mia has trouble sitting still. She fidgets constantly and has trouble paying attention.

In her orphanage the children had no place to congregate they seemed to be on the move from room to room all the time. She was little so she would dart and dash all over. She popped into a group of children and then out again almost unnoticed.

She was also asked to leave school...

I think the teacher knew she was getting a family and Mia probably used that time to test the limits in the classroom.

So they recommended that she just stay at the orphanage ;-)

AND 

not return to school...

When she first came home she had something to prove to the other children. She wanted to get them in trouble and always get the right answer even if it meant cheating...

I think she thought she had to earn her spot in the family so she was going to prove she was better.

It was hard for Ellie to deal with because Mia was unkind to her.

Praise GOD that has resolved itself and Mia is humbly learning and trying to sit still and listen during school time.

In fact if we over reprimand her she looks so sad and confused. So we just correct and move forward, realizing it may take more time before she can incorporate the new behavior into daily life.

Mia is smart and she learns fast. We just need to keep plugging away at it and she will do well!

With all of these things that she does that can present challenges the truth is-

She is an awesome daughter!

We absolutely LOVE her!

She is so easy to LOVE!

She has sparkle about her and she just shines!

On top of that Mia is the best thing that ever happened to Sarah!

She challenges her, they challenge each other!

They are both very competitive and they like to win and be the leader.

They are learning how to graciously not win everything...

Sometimes they make bad choices together but it give us teaching opportunities!

I must say 

the Dear Lord blessed us with the exact right daughter for our family!

We are so thankful that she is home sweet home!

Summer Fun- Lotsa Critters!

(I'm posting at warp speed- gotta get caught up!)

The children love playing outside and finding all sorts of critters and bugs!

A few of them are plentiful around our home!

 Mosquitos being one of them!

So we welcome ANYTHING that wants to EAT THEM!

Sam is one of our #1 critter catchers!

So when I was out running errands I bought lots of this!

No bathroom or sink shall be without this!

Dragonflies galore!

Even though I am not a bug person, I love that they are outside exploring our corner of this amazing world God has blessed us with!

Sometimes they want to bring their treasures inside the house to show me-

 excuse me,

um, no thank you!

Get back outside with that thing and if you want to know more about it,

 I'm happy to g**gle it!

Disclaimer: all critters and bugs are quickly returned to their natural habitat!

Nothing is kept in captivity for a prolonged period of time!

And Ben caught the mother of all dragonflies!

It was huge!

And as a special gift they brought me these little friends!

I actually do like toads and frogs!

But, my goodness, I have never seen sooooo many of them at one time!

There has been plenty of rain and we have wetlands near us.

The children could actually scoop up a handful of them at one time just in our yard!

I told them to put them over by the wetlands because the lawn guy had arrived with his very large lawn mower (ouch if you're a toad!)…

Anyways, I hope they helped themselves to lots of mosquitoes!

And the wasps have been plentiful too! We killed about 15 nests and when pest control came they found 27 more live nests…

There's even one in our mailbox!

So far one of our doggies, Mia, Ava and Hubby have been stung.

Please tell me if these guys are good for anything- I do not see a purpose for wasps in this world?

It's not like they're producing honey or doing anything useful...

Ava loves the outside and catching whatever she can find!

Since this is our first spring and summer here in this house we are always finding something new that's blooming!

It is really quite delightful!

And- do you have any clue what these are?

We are completely enjoying our summer and so thankful for this blessed spot that we are currently residing in!

Praising GOD!

Meet The Girls! UPDATED!

And here are their names (I think ;-)


I have an issue with names...

I love so many of them and often second guess myself...

But I think names are important!

It's part of the bonding experience for me!

So

 here

are

the girls

with their 

names!

Meet

Mia Christine

From

Anhui Province!
Mia is 10.5 years old and will be 11 when we bring her home!

Meet

Melissa Faith

From

Guangxi Province!
Melissa is 6.5 years old and will be 7 when we bring her home!

And last but not least!

Meet

Madeline Mary

From

 Guangdong Province!
Madeline is 5.5 years old and will be 6 when we bring her home from China!

All the girls are sayin 

"Please to meet you!"


How do I know that?
Well, because I'm their Momma!

Be still my heart!

We are on our knees in thankfulness to our Dear Lord!

AND

YES...

I will be in China for a very long time!

Prayin you'll be there with me!

(In other words, commenting words of encouragement on my blog and praying for us!)


Okay on a side note-
 I am not 100% sure of Melissa's middle name...hmmmm...
So let me know your thoughts!
Melissa Faith
Melissa Ann
Melissa ???
Thanks!!

Last 2 Questions Answered!

Jenny asked -
The one question I would like to ask is about homeschooling as I am also homeschooling my daughter who is almost 10. We are adopting a little girl who will probably be close to 7 by the time we get her
and I've thought about the possibility of letting her go to
school for a while to help with the
language issue and maybe catch up on her reading skills. Do you have any thoughts on that?

My answer -

Keeping Sarah home for the last 19 months has been the best decision we could have made! I advocate keeping them home for more than just the academics but for bonding and attachment. Sarah was in an orphanage for 8.5 years. She had a tendency to parent shop and could superficially bond with anyone that was nice to her, or that would give her food, candy, pop, a smile, etc. She could have easily thought that her new teacher was the cat's meow and would make a good Momma for her. She needed to be stuck with me and too me for a long time. Our bond also grew through home schooling her and knowing where she was with everything- it made for good conversation and appropriate expectations. Sarah learned her English just through everyday life, homeschooling, family, activities, etc. I also felt that at school she would find the kids that did not behave and be with them, instead of the kids that would be a good influence on her. After only 18 months she was at a solid 2nd grade level through homeschooling we were very happy with her progress.

You just start with pre-k and k type activities and move forward as they learn it! We focused on language arts- alphabet, phonics, reading, comprehension and light math and didn't worry about the other subjects.

Hi Mary Kate!! She asked -

I am wondering what size clothes the girls are?
I think you have dogs, how is that transition for the girls?
How is their bedroom arrangement going...Are you glad they are in the same room? Are the Bunk beds working out?
I guess I would just LOVE updates about bonding and attachment as often as you write them...
Are you thinking of adopting again, or is it too soon...Also what age would you look at next (If you are thinking about that)!!!
I know you homeschool, but what grade level do you think the girls are at????

I answered -

We got the girls ht, wt and foot measurements and went off of those. It worked pretty well except Ellie is a little broader and may need a new size soon. All the clothes with a little stretch fit her okay. Ask for her measurements and even add in what is her waist, hips and chest- if you can. I am guessing that Sha Sha is about the same size as Sarah (not as tall though). Sarah wears a large shirt in Gap kids (I may buy her XL for the fall/ winter) and a 10 or a 12 in the bottoms. Sha Sha is strong and has muscles but she is not overweight- she looks very athletic. I don't think she would like the overly frilly clothes (but I could be wrong). We found some of the clothes we brought through- Lands end, Gap Kids, Gymboree and Hanna Andersson (size 140). Emma and Ellie are a 130 in HA, an 8 in Gymboree, an 8 in Gap and a small/8 in Lands End. Sarah is a 10/ 12 in Gymboree, 10 /12 in Gap kids, Med./ 10 in Lands End and a 140 in HA. Shoe size for Sarah(10 yrs old) is 3 or 4. Emma is a 2 (9 yrs old) and Ellie(8 yrs old) is a 1. Every child is so different and it really is a guessing game- For shoes Crocs worked great- they fit a pretty good range!!

We have 2 golden Retrievers and Katie has a multi poo. The girls screamed and laughed when they first saw them. The go with the flow with the dogs- it hasn't been a problem. Our dogs do not run the house- they are in the mudroom or outside. Sarah was afraid of them but she got used to them quickly and now it is her job to feed them everyday.

Bedroom arrangement is great!! All 4 in one room was a good choice!! Thank you bloggy friends for your help!! Bunks are fabulous and easy and don't take up too much space.- let me know if you want more info on them!! They were a great price!! around $700- $800 per set and includes the mattresses.

Yes, we are going to adopt again! Details are uncertain! There will be more to come on this topic!!

We are thinking that Sarah(10) is a 4th grader, Emma(9) is a 3rd grader and Ellie(8) is a second grader. As far as HS- we start at pre-k and k and move along as they are ready! Sarah is doing 2nd grade work now.

Volunteer Spotlight: 2014 Summer High School Volunteers

Summer is one of the best times of the year at Family House – the house is full of laughter, fun, and excitement! Part of the reason for this is the Summer High School Program. Each summer, 10-15 high school volunteers come to the house twice a week and provide house support, baking, arts and crafts, and other fun projects for the families at Family House. Our amazing high school volunteers can work up to 56 hours over the course of the summer. This year our amazing volunteers hosted a tie dye day as well as a circus day for the families complete with fun games, delicious treats, and a BBQ! Not only do these wonderful volunteers work at the house, but they also volunteer at our summer events, including the SF Marathon, the Raising Dough with Tony G event, and various other offsite opportunities.

Thank you Justin Azar, Lauren Cope, Waresa Hu, Clare Casey, Vince De La Cerna, Jennifer Ohmura, Theresa Driscoll, Elizabeth Vincent, Sara Ohalloran, Thomas Ohalloran, Gabriel Capili, John Salvemini, McRae Fried, Kiana Murray, and Maggie Morgan for all of your hard work! Family House wouldn’t be the same without you!

Click here to read about the program: http://www.familyhouseinc.org/summer-volunteer-program.html

Three More Questions Answered!

Elizabeth asked -

I'm interested in how you plan to (or already do) incorporate Chinese culture with your girls. I think that would be one of the hard things with adopting an older child who has already been immersed in another culture and may be confused about retaining their birth culture while still assimilating into their new culture. Another thing I'm curious about regarding adopting older children is getting them comfortable giving and receiving affection and if this is something that just comes naturally over time or if there are certain things you do to promote it? I'm also interested in how over time you promote the girls' attachment to you as a mother vs. a temporary caregiver. I'm guessing that they knew their foster mother loved them but also knew that she was a temporary figure and hence the attachment was different. Lastly, I'm wondering how you deal with your own feelings of grief related to seeing your children grieve and knowing they have gone through so many hard things. In trying to put myself in your perspective I think I would feel almost angry at the world that they are so young and have had to deal with such hard times.

I answered -

Our daughters go to Saturday Chinese language school and they may do Chinese Dance- we are undecided about that. We celebrate the Chinese New Year and Dragon Boat festival with our local FCC group which has now turned into FCA. We meet regularly with other China adoptive families. Anna and Sarah have now been back to China. We will continue to do things like this. I am sure all our daughters will have a heritage trip as they get older. They seem to enjoy everything Chinese!

In all honestly adopting an orphan is not like adopting as child that actually been raised in the cultural richness that China can offer. These kids usually have zero experiences. They are familiar with the usual sights, the smells, the food, the music, and the language of their country but they have no cultural knowledge, very little education, no idea of the holidays or why they even celebrate them. Usually they have had no opportunity to even eat the variety of food that China has too offer. They have no family memories and no one has taken the time to teach them the basics (manors, respect, kindness, etc) They live in a world where their biggest need is survival.

As far as affection goes- you take it slow, and you read your child. Often times they will initiate affection as they are ready. Many children are ready right away for hugs and hand holding! They generally are starved for affection and will want it as soon as possible. Even to the point of being carried at age 10 and sitting on Mom's lap at age 9! Everybody loves a piggy back ride no matter what age you are!

Promoting attachment and mothering - This is what we do- we keep them close to us. We do their daily cares- help them brush teeth, help them put on their clothes even when they come at 10 yrs old, put them to bed, prepare their food, sometimes play with them, supervise their play, buy them what they need, help them when they are hurt, teach them, love them- tell them we love them, smile and tell them they are good girls! We do what Mom's and Dads do for their children everyday!

We do not allow others to hug, hold or kiss them. Parents and immediate family are the only ones that can show affection. Through everyday life they learn what family is and what parents do for their children. We are in it for the long haul- so we keep doing what needs to be done!

I believe one of our daughters knew they were loved by the foster family but the other was not loved. It is the one that was unloved that is eating up family, love, and home- she is completely at peace in our house! It is a miracle to us- only God could do this!

I guess I look at it differently than many people. I think it is healthy that they grieve their loss but I feel so strongly that they are where they are supposed to be and thankful that they are in our arms! I am grateful for those that cared for our daughters and we continue to keep in touch with all of them and send updates and pictures. The children come to us in pretty tough shape (dirty, bruised, bumped, scratched) and I can hardly wait to love and care for them and get them into the bath, to the dentist, the doctor, the specialist, the hairdresser, the park, swimming, you name it!!

When I see them quiet, or a tear running down their cheek, I offer a hug, wipe the tears, rub their back and let them feel their feelings and then we move on. I have not noticed angry feelings with the age group we have adopted. Yes, each has had a melt down once or twice but that is to be expected and because of the language barrier I really don't know what it's all about. Sometimes that's okay- we all need to let it out now and then but often the trigger is something small that they quickly get over.

Janet asked -

Our biggest worry is how to help an older child adapt and what to do about their discipline issues. Both of our boys have been much younger when we received them, so we disciplined and guided them as a younger child. What types of strategies do you use and what kind of tips can you give us to help our daughter (who might be older - say between 5 - 10 years old) feel more comfortable with us?

My answer- Really pray about it- pray that the Lord will guide you to just the right daughter- your daughter. Do not feel pressure to go way older if that is not where your heart is. Go where you are called, where you can see yourself with your child- interacting and enjoying her. The age of our girls works for us but many prefer a little older or a little younger.

Are you planning to send your children to school or Homeschool? What type of social network will she have- neighborhood friends? Church friends? Another adopted sister? Other homeschoolers?

So much of it has just happened to us- once we knew who are girls were we made decisions on what we wanted them involved in. Then once we met them it became obvious where their strengths and needs were and what we should be involved in.

I have always had the emphasis on family- even if I thought they seemed a little bored at times. They have never had a family- it takes awhile to learn what it is all about and get used to it.

We really enjoy the China school the kids do and they like it too! It's something they are good at right away and makes them feel comfortable- everything about is familiar- it reminds them of the past comforts- the language, art, music,etc. ( I have actually reconsidered and will probably sign them up this fall instead of waiting)

Our girls love it that we are with them so much. The begin to love the predictability and the comfort of knowing what will be next- bkf routine, bed routine, lunch routine, getting in and out of the car, holding hands when we cross the street, etc .

It probably seems overwhelming right now but it falls into place once you begin to get to know your child.

Discipline- be firm from the beginning if you need to be. Lighten up when you can. If you are uncomfortable with being really firm and having a child that is a little wild at first then keep that in mind when you read the referrals. Many of the words in our referrals were correct. Look for words like kind, sweet, caring, works hard, obeys her teacher or foster mom, etc! For one of our daughters it said "this girl is strong in personality"= yep they were right! SMILE!

Laura asked-

Logistics!!! Who cleans, cooks, shops.... Do you have any help??? How do you do it????? Jim? :-)

I believe in setting us up for success. So we do things that work for us! We have a cleaning lady every week- okay- I know I just about lost everyones respect but it's the truth and it makes us happy! When the house is kind of clean I feel so good!

Okay, those of you who still respect me a little will now be joining the other group... I hate to cook... It is time consuming and I see no reason for it... I'm sorry. It's my brothers fault and it happened when I was a child, he made fun of me and I've never gotten over it. If you'd like I could give you his phone number! I do BKF and I do lunch- simple, easy, the food groups and pretty healthy except for the fact that I really like butter. Dinner- hubby cooks 2 times during the week, I cook one time during the week, we eat chinese take out one time a week, we order pizza one time a week and we go to the grocery store and buy their dinner that they have featured and on special 2 x a week. It is a couple blocks from hubby's office so he gets it on the way home. I wasn't always this bad but I am this bad now- anyone out there that is still respectin me kinda sorta??

I am with the kids most of the time but I have a sitter for about 4 hours on Wednesday to get a few things done without the kids, dr appts, etc. Our sitter is wonderful- her name is Karen and she is a blessing beyond belief to us. She is the only one we leave the kids with. Karen also helps us other times- okay my hair appt, are ya still with me people? and times when we are with the older kids for various events and it is nice to give them our attention w/o the girls. She has done a few date nights for us, too!!

Grocery shopping? - I order on line once every 2 weeks! It's like Christmas when the groceries come and I have many little helpers to put it away with me! I Love it! Hubby picks up a few extra things now and then. I do all the other shopping either with the girls or during my time on Wednesday afternoons.

WE try not to do activities in the evenings and keep that for family time. (Except during Johnny's soccer season which will be coming up soon!) I homeschool the kids except for JOhnny. We do our activities in the late afternoon- swimming and gymnastics.

It works and we are very happy with it!

(okay Laura- I am pretty sure Robert is making fun of me right now and you are my only friend left!) In case anyone is wondering we traveled with this family when we got Anna and they got Kaia. We were even able to visit them twice since we have been back from that trip to China! Since then they have had another birth baby (which now totals 6 kiddos)and Laura has become a medical Doctor in the last 2 years - great job Laura! You are awesome!